Friday, September 2, 2011

Failed Fantasy Team Names

So I finally participated in a fantasy football draft.  I'm thinking next year I'll check off "fill out March Madness bracket" from my bucket list.

Not that anyone will care, but I thought I'd list out my selections for posterity sake.  Feel free to openly mock me in the comment section. 

It was a snake draft, so I had to wait for 19 other selections before I got to pick again.  It was agony watching so many great players get picked while I waited.

1) Drew Brees -- QB -- It took me a while to finally pull the trigger here.  It was either Brees or a quality running back.  Ultimately, I decided that if I didn't take a high-production QB here, I'll get left in the dust by the time my second selection arrived.

My fantasy season rests upon his shoulders. 

20) Peyton Hillis -- RB -- (Note: I just remembered that Hillis was once a Denver Bronco.  How did they let him get away?)
21) Frank Gore -- RB  -- Decided to pick the highest quality RBs remaining.  Turns out they are both guys who've been plagued with injury over the years.  This is where some research may have paid off.

40) Dwayne Bowe -- WR -- Was the highest quality WR at this point and I had to pick him so I could change my team name to "Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe".  Even if he gets me no points, at least he gave me a great name.
41) Dez Bryant -- WR -- Had the highest potential of all WR remaining.

60) Knowshon Moreno -- RB/WR -- I had to have a Bronco on my team.  HAD TO!
61) Brandon Marshall -- Bench WR -- This former Bronco should help me off the bench.

80) Eli Manning -- Bench QB -- Needed a QB on the bench who could produce if needed.  Eli seemed like a logical selection since Peyton was already taken.
81) Cedric Benson -- Bench RB -- was the best RB available whose bye week didn't conflict with my starters' bye week.  I ended up making most of my bench selections based upon their bye week.

100) Zach Miller -- TE -- Was the best white guy available.  (Just kidding.  But needed to see if anyone was still reading).
101) Rob Bironas -- K -- Stupid rules made me pick a kicker and this guy had the most European-sounding name.

120) Pierre Garcon -- bench WR
121) Falcons -- Defense/Special Teams -- it appeared that once you got past the top-5 defenses, there wasn't much differentiation, so I finally relented and picked up the Falcons.

140) Chris Cooley -- bench TE -- another white guy.
141) Rams -- bench D/ST -- a nod to Cheap Card Collecting

160) Ryan Longwell -- bench K -- At this point I was going with the "I've heard of this guy before" selection process.

As the saying goes, nothing is more boring than hearing about another guy's fantasy team.  Therefore, I shall spice things up with my list of Failed Fantasy Team Names.
  • Drew Brees' Birthmark
  • 87 Murphy Squirrels
  • Apishipa Skeeters
  • Highline Canal Yacht Club
  • Ron Effing Swanson
  • Ron Swanson's Mustache
  • Tom Haverford's Monogrammed Polo
  • Andy Dwyer's Bandmate
  • Just the Tip
  • Punch Face Champions 
  • Van Hagar
  • DMB Booze Cruise
  • Girch Center Swim Team
  • Cottonwood Links Sausage Factory
  • 2-iron Approach Shot
  • Bar Association Dropout
  • Flock of Eagles
  • Dexter Morgan's Understanding Father
I'm pretty sure I made the prudent choice by selecting "Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe" as my team name.


UPDATE:  Just got the draft results in an email and thought I'd show how the first few rounds went. 

Round: 1
**(1) Drew Brees QB 
(2) Adrian Peterson RB 
(3) Michael Vick QB 
(4) Aaron Rodgers QB 
(5) Chris Johnson RB 
(6) Arian Foster RB 
(7) LeSean McCoy RB 
(8) Tom Brady QB 
(9) Ray Rice RB 
(10) Jamaal Charles RB 
Round: 2
(11)  Andre Johnson WR 
(12)  Philip Rivers QB 
(13)  Maurice Jones-Drew RB 
(14)  Josh Freeman QB 
(15)  Roddy White WR 
(16)  Michael Turner RB 
(17)  Calvin Johnson WR 
(18)  Rashard Mendenhall RB 
(19)  Steven Jackson RB 
** (20)  Peyton Hillis RB 
Round: 3
** (21)  Frank Gore RB 
(22)  Larry Fitzgerald WR 
(23) Greg Jennings WR 
(24)  Darren McFadden RB 
(25)  Vincent Jackson WR 
(26)  Matt Schaub QB 
(27)  Peyton Manning QB 
(28)  Matt Forte RB 
(29)  LeGarrette Blount RB 
(30)  Hakeem Nicks WR 
Round: 4
(31)  DeSean Jackson WR 
(32)  Ahmad Bradshaw RB 
(33)  DeAngelo Williams RB 
(34)  Reggie Wayne WR 
(35)  Mike Wallace WR 
(36) Tony Romo QB 
(37) Antonio Gates TE 
(38) Miles Austin WR 
(39)  Matt Ryan QB 
** (40)  Dwayne Bowe WR 
Round: 5
** (41)  Dez Bryant WR 
(42)  Tim Hightower RB 
(43) Jahvid Best RB 
(44)  Jeremy Maclin WR 
(45)  Dallas Clark TE 
(46)  Shonn Greene RB 
(47) Mike Williams WR 
(48)  Marques Colston WR 
(49)  Brandon Lloyd WR 
(50)  Ben Roethlisberger QB 
Round: 6
(51) Jason Witten TE 
(52) Percy Harvin WR 
(53)  Lee Evans WR 
(54) Wes Welker WR 
(55) Jonathan Stewart RB 
(56) BenJarvus Green-Ellis RB 
(57)  Ryan Mathews RB 
(58) l Finley TE 
(59) Austin Collie WR 
** (60)  Knowshon Moreno RB 
Round: 7
** (61) Brandon Marshall WR 
(62)  Joe Flacco QB 
(63)  Sam Bradford QB 
(64)  Santonio Holmes WR 
(65)  Anquan Boldin WR 
(66)  Steelers D/ST D/ST 
(67)  Packers D/ST D/ST 
(68) Ravens D/ST D/ST 
(69)  Jets D/ST D/ST 
(70)  Beanie Wells RB 
Round: 8
(71) Patriots D/ST D/ST 
(72) Vernon Davis TE 
(73) Neil Rackers K 
(74) Nate Kaeding K 
(75) Kellen Winslow TE 
(76) Matthew Stafford QB 
(77) Fred Jackson RB 
(78) Eagles D/ST D/ST 
(79) Mark Ingram RB 
**(80)  Eli Manning QB 


Jeff Laws said...

"Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe" - that's hilarious. I love it!

Drew Brees is definitely worthy of a #1 pick and Peyton Hillis carried my team last year. I picked him up about week 3 and he outscore the 2 RB's I had drafted. Don't remember who they were, I know Michael Turner was one.

Good luck, I just finished my draft about an hour ago.

Robert said...

I want to play in a league where people are taking kickers in the 8th round..why do people take kickers that early still?

Napkin Doon said...

Nothing wrong with that team, and with that team name you are bound for glory!

Cheap Card Collecting said...

I'm honored by your selection of the Rams D/ST. The Defense was already fantasy playable last year (especially against the NFC West), and the improvements in the offense should help the defense out a lot. Peyton Hillis and Frank Gore could both be risky, but we'll see. I think you could have still picked a QB after round 1 with Schaub, Manning, Matt Ryan, etc.